Thoughts Day One

We let Kota go last night. He was having very labored breathing and would turn in slow circles for hours. Not settling or relaxing. Attempts to get him to relax were futile. He wasn’t responding to his name or to us talking to him. It was time.

He had been fighting nasal carcinoma for a year already and he was tired. His body was tired, his mind was tired and his spirit was tired. He was a fraction of what he used to be.

I am very sad that he is gone but I had an extra year with him. And these past four weeks, I have known it was coming soon. I could prepare. I knew he would no longer be in pain.

With Tasha, she was perfectly healthy and then she wasn’t. That was very hard to deal with and still brings me grief every now and then.

The things I have thought of today are that he is no longer in pain. That I will miss his soft fur, his look as he rounds a corner. I will miss naps on the sofa with him and walks in the park. He hasn’t been able to do tricks or been interested in treats for a while and that was hard to adjust to at first.

It was very hard to watch this once happy, spunky little dog become this walking/sleeping shell. Watching the slow decline was hard, so very hard. I’m still not sure which way is better. The healthy, then gone or the months of sadness and frustration with the slow decline.

I know that Shadow is next and that will be hard too. Despite the grief and pain I still wouldn’t trade the last 16 years for anything.

Rest easy Kota. You were well loved and will be missed.