There is a blog called Hyperbole and a Half. Her most recent blog post was titled Adventures in Depression. I can relate to that post. I have had many episodes over the years where I have found it physically difficult to *do* anything. Today I am feeling down. Is it depression? I don’t think it’s full blown but it’s definitely a “feeling severely down” feeling.
I am sitting in my living room with music blaring on the radio and it’s upbeat and fun. I find myself wanting to just let loose and dance. I like to dance. But when I get up and begin dancing and moving to the music, I get stabs of pain in my back. Plus I told myself I was taking today off from anything more strenuous than my bike rides to and from work. My back was pretty sore and troublesome on Saturday night and Sunday we took a 1.5 mile walk that was ok but I was sore at the end. I just need to be good tonight and not stress it too much.
And I hate it. Hate it with a vengeance. My back has been the worst this past year than it has ever been. Ever. Two weeks lost this year to my back pain. Two weeks of not doing much of anything. That is not me, not who I am. And now I must conform to this debilitating condition that I have to live with.
Kris has quit the dive shop. He and Scot decided it was too stressful and now he’s looking for a job. He has been the most upbeat and happy these last two weeks than he has been in a while and for that I am very thankful. I just hope he can find a job before too long. I am not paying all of our combined bills but I am paying what I can. We have a roof over our heads, thankfully a vehicle that is in pretty good shape and 3 mostly healthy, though aging dogs. Dog help me if one of them gets sick and needs a surgery of some kind. My credit is about at it’s max and we would not be able to afford it. Having to make that kind of decision would crush me.
So if you read this, send “find a job Kris” vibes our way. Thanks.